Don't judge anyone before you walk a mile in their shoes...

I am a Mum
I love my 3 beautiful kids
I love my husband
I love to sew
I love tattoos
I love to create
I love my Mum and Dad
I love my Brother and Sister
I love my Nieces and Nephews and all of my extended family
I love my friends
I lend a hand when it is needed
I live life with a smile even though quite a bit of the time that is not always how I feel
I have a husband who works away from home
I have a son with Autism
I love the way his mind works sometimes
I love the hugs and kisses I get from all 3 of the kids
I sometimes get a feeling of frustration
I sometimes wonder how long will it be before I get the much needed break I wish I could have
I wish I could be supermum
I wish someone could wave a magic wand and everything would be perfect
I wish that I could sometimes put myself before everyone else

You see that mum in the shopping centre.  She is the one with the kid who is fixated on something on the shelf and she can't get him to move.  The trip started off fantastic but over time with the fluro lights and the noise of a busy shopping centre, he starts to act out.  You sit there and think to youself oh my god I wish she would just slap that kid.  You don't know he has Autism.  He doesn't "Look" like he has Autism.  Sometimes all she probably wants is for someone to say "do you need a hand with anything?".

I used to be one of those people before I had Callum.  I was naive and had no idea what Autism was.  Now I understand.  Noone else will ever know what I go through because they aren't me.  Every single child is different.  Same as I will never know what any other parent really goes through. Our children experience different difficulties in life, different obsessions, have different triggers and view the world from a very different way to what we do.  I am at the beginning.  Cal is 6.  I have a looooooong way to go before the hardness really sets in which is teenagehood.  But at the end of the day every parent wants that feeling of accomplishment with their children.  He is going to need a lot of help throughout his schooling life and I know I have the patience to help him.  Why? Because I am his mum and it is my job to provide as much support for him as I can. 

I get down.  I have moments where I just wish the world would swallow me up and I can start all over again.  But I soldier on.  The meltdowns and the obsessions I am slowly getting used to but is still a never ending battle.  I really wish I knew what runs through his mind.  What he was thinking and how he processes things.  As harder work as he is and I know he will be,  I couldn't live without him.  Well to put it better no matter how shitty my day gets I couldn't live without any of them.